I sit in the emergency room with my 11 month old son. I had to give him his epi pen after an accidental peanut butter ingestion. Such a stupid accident, I worked so hard to be careful there were no nuts in the house. I didn’t even realize what happened. My kids found an old dog toy. Hadn’t been used in forever, but it’s the kind you can stuff with treats. Well, i guess at some point I had put PB in it, and some shook loose as the kids played.
Next thing, my little guys cheeks are so red and full of hives. I try not to panic as he starts to gag and I worry his breathing is becoming raspy. I quickly give him his shot and head to the hospital.
My son, he will be fine, but I’m so scared for him. That this is his life and stupid accidents could happen anywhere. Thank god we were in our own home, and he was with me.
This worry I feel for my kids is all encompassing sometimes. How do I let them gain independence? Part of me wants to hover at all times. I’m so scared for them, but I can’t let them see that anxiety either. How did my parents do it with me? ( I as well have a serious allergy).
I can expect a few panic attacks in my future.
I just love them so much.
Yesterday was one bad day. In the morning my younger son had an appointment with an allergy specialist. He tested positive to peanuts. I was so sad. Now, I’m no stranger to allergies, I myself have an anaphylactic allergy to dairy. But at least I can be around milk. My poor boy needs to be sheltered from peanuts completely. And the thought of his life in danger, it’s just so shocking. It will be a big change, but it’s sacrifices we have to make. Thank god things are so different than when I was a kid.
Then I went out for dinner with a few friends. One girl showed me a few pics from another friends kids birthday party. It had been held earlier that day. We weren’t invited. I felt really left out. And especially sad for my son. I’m trying to get him out with other kids as much as I can. It just brought back so many memories of being a kid and being left out. Not having many friends. Which then made me realize, I still don’t have many friends. I need to keep in touch better.
Then I had to admit I got a little jealous and envious. My other girl friend was talking about her upcoming wedding. She’s marrying a millionaire. Sigh. I hate to sound materialistic but, jeez sometimes it would be nice to get whatever I want bought for me.
Home to my husband doing a bit of basement cleaning. I started tackling an old box of pictures. Just something else to make me emotional. Photos of when I was so young and pretty. Parties with friends that I longer have.
Overall a bit of a low day. Pretty emotional and sad for me. Wide range of emotions. I guess I will occasionally use his blog just to let my feelings out. Makes me feel a little better.