May 7 #100happydays-day 28 searching. 

Little hard to find happiness after the sadness of the last few days. 

But there were little things. I hugged an old friend today, and our tears were shared, but it felt peaceful. It was a cool day, but the sun came out for awhile. And these two really are my pride and joy.  

   

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Shock me again. 

Another blow has come this week. Another flood of memories and a heart wrenching realization that time goes way to fast.  Hit so hard with the awareness that I must see the beauty of life at EVERY.GIVEN.MOMENT. 

I sit mourning the loss of an old friend. We knew each other very well in nursing school. We had been such good friends 15 years ago. But life changes. Time passes. We lost touch. Always meant to “get together for a beer”.  Dammit, she only lived a few blocks away, why didn’t I make an effort!?

I don’t even know where life took her. We hadn’t seen in each other in about 6 years. I don’t know why she killed herself, and I’ll never know the struggles she faced. In all honesty, I didn’t know her anymore, but I ever thought she had any depression, or problems with mental health. She was a carefree bubbly girl. She loved nature, coffee and cherries. I still remember her apartment vividly. I’ll miss you Mel, and think of you often.  

 

Too sensitive? Thoughts on a bad day. 

Yesterday was one bad day. In the morning my younger son had an appointment with an allergy specialist. He tested positive to peanuts. I was so sad. Now, I’m no stranger to allergies, I myself have an anaphylactic allergy to dairy. But at least I can be around milk. My poor boy needs to be sheltered from peanuts completely. And the thought of his life in danger, it’s just so shocking.  It will be a big change, but it’s sacrifices we have to make. Thank god things are so different than when I was a kid.  

Then I went out for dinner with a few friends.  One girl showed me a few pics from another friends kids birthday party. It had been held earlier that day. We weren’t invited. I felt really left out. And especially sad for my son. I’m trying to get him out with other kids as much as I can.  It just brought back so many memories of being a kid and being left out. Not having many friends. Which then made me realize, I still don’t have many friends. I need to keep in touch better. 

Then I had to admit I got a little jealous and envious. My other girl friend was talking about her upcoming wedding. She’s marrying a millionaire. Sigh. I hate to sound materialistic but, jeez sometimes it would be nice to get whatever I want bought for me. 

Home to my husband doing a bit of basement cleaning. I started tackling an old box of pictures. Just something else to make me emotional. Photos of when I was so young and pretty.  Parties with friends that I longer have. 

Overall a bit of a low day. Pretty emotional and sad for me.  Wide range of emotions. I guess I will occasionally use his blog just to let my feelings out. Makes me feel a little better. 

Travel nursing in California 

It was 10 years ago this week that I started my 5000 km journey to California. 

I worked with a recruitment company and after the painful processs of becoming qualified to work in the USA, I was on my way!  I had accepted a 13 week assignment in the city of Torrance, working as an RN in the neonatal intensive care unit. 

I drove down with my parents, and had to make many stops along the way. Setting up a bank account in Great Falls, applying for social security in Reno, paying for my RN license in Sacremento. 

Waiting for my RN license!



Eventually I made it to my little apartment in Hermosa Beach. Pretty sweet deal, I had a furnished apartment paid for by the recruiters. just a couple blocks from the beach. It was fantastic. 



My parents flew home a few days later, and I was on my own. For the first time ever, I was truly by myself. Some people thought I was crazy for moving to a strange city all alone. Some said I’d be lonely.  I had never lived alone before this time, and I was ready to enjoy every minute. I also felt ok meeting new people, so I looked forward to forcing myself to go out and make friends. 

I worked straight nights at my job, and I absolutely loved it. It was a fantastic hospital. The NICU was great. Staff were super and I loved the way it was run. (This eventually led to me leaving the NICU in Saskatoon, because it just couldn’t compare). 

The hospital i worked at.



I was having a great time. I was able to make friends, work, save a lot of money, and have a lot of fun! When my 13 week assignment was up, I decided to head home for the summer, and return in the fall for a new contract at the same hospital. 

Some of the great nurses i worked with.



Upon return I worked the same unit, still nights. This time I lived in the city of Redondo beach. I loved living in these beach communities. So casual and fun, and LA craziness was just close enough to visit from time to time. 

My apartment in Redondo



I stayed for another 9 months or so. Travel nursing was such a wonderful experience, and one of the best decisions I ever made. I began to grow a little sad with the temporary life style though. Friends came and went in 3 month increments. I dated a bit, but nothing ever seemed to have long term potential. 

Deep down I knew I wouldn’t live there forever, but it was still so hard to leave. A lot of people think I’m crazy for ever leaving, but I feel my timing was just right. I was in my 20’s and had a great time. Eventually, the parties would have died. The night shift life would have caught up with me. The crazy friends all  settled down. 

So now I can remember the experience, and I can still feel like a cool kid and say “well, when I lived in California….”



Redondo pier sunset



Pier Avenue, Hermosa Beach



Me in Hermosa



‘if anyone reads this-just enjoy everything”

I have been doing a little more old diary reading. I’ve just been so nostalgic lately. I think I just feel time is going so fast, I don’t want to forget who I was. 

http://youtu.be/Pb-K2tXWK4w

 I’m not a huge Taylor Swift fan, but her song “fifteen’ can bring tears to my eyes. Somehow this song just really brings to life the wonder of being fifteen and being in amazement of everything happening to you for the first time. I really like these verses. I can’t tell you how many nights I twirled and danced in my room after a date with a boy I really liked.

“And then you’re on your very first date and he’s got a car
And you’re feeling like flying
And your mamma’s waiting up
And you’re thinking he’s the one
And you’re dancing ’round the room when the night ends, when the night ends

‘Cause when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You’re gonna believe them
And when you’re fifteen and your first kiss makes your head spin around
But in your life you’ll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team
But I didn’t know it at fifteen”

Now let me be clear, I was a very naive, immature, childish, defensive teenager for the most part. But I didn’t know I was those things. That’s truely the beauty of youth, you don’t know what you don’t know.

However, I did have little snippets of wisdom. I was happily surprised at myself. This was an entry from March of 1995. I was 16, and mad about a boy I liked who didn’t like me. (this happened a lot).

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“you will feel a lot more hurt in a lifetime than what this is”

So true. Yes, boyfriend heartache was rough, but there is so much worse. In the 20 years since I wrote this, I’ve had my heart broken in more ways than I ever thought possible. But I’ve also felt more joy than I knew existed.

Here’s another great quote from the same song.

“When all you wanted was to be wanted
Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now”

And here’s another little diary entry from March 1999. I was 20, and just finishing my second year of nursing. I was having one of those nights. I was trying to figure out who I was and where I was going.

'if anyone reads this- just enjoy everything"

”i wish I had the chance to talk to ‘me’ now when I was younger”

Oh, and I felt ‘old’. At 20. 20!

It actually feels good to go back and read all this. Even if some of it is laughable now. I was so boy crazy.  I just shake my head, it’s kind of embarrassing. But its who I was. Who I am. Maybe when I’m 60, I’ll read this blog… and wish I could talk to that young new mom, and tell her to just enjoy everything. 


Home away from home

Since I was a very young tot, I’ve spent a lot of time at Wakaw lake in the summers. My aunt had a cabin there, and the memories of go way back.

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A few years back my aunt ( who never married) decided to sign the cabin over to me. She didn’t want to wait til she died and force me to deal with a hassle of a will I guess.
So we took over paying the taxes, but honestly it still kind of remains “her” cabin.
I love the place, but it stresses me out.
It needs so much work, and it hasn’t been re decorated ever. It is very 70’s. Orange. Gold. Orange and gold shag carpet. Wall to wall, including the bathroom.
I can’t imagine losing it, but unless we put a huge chunk of change into it, it’s going to fall apart. The thought of selling it seems inviting at times. There is a lot we could do with the money. However, that wouldn’t be able to happen until my aunt died, as she would probably kill me if I sold it.
I have so many memories of being a teen out in Wakaw. We had some amazing parties. So many fun nights. So many bon fires.
It’s hard to enjoy it the same now. It’s small, there isn’t a lot of room for the kids.
The beach used to be relaxing. Now it’s loud. So many jet skis and wakeboarders. ( I sound old and bitter don’t I ??)

I just don’t really know what to do. I’m sure in a few years, we’d really enjoy it again, but right now it seems not worth it.
We’ll see.
Here’s a few of my fave pics from Wakaw lake.

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‘SNL’ Where Are They Now: The 1990s

SNL has been one of my favourites for as long as I can remember.
It was so huge for me in the 90’s. This is a great list.

UPROXX

SNL 90

Thanks to the changes made during the late 80s, Saturday Night Live started the 90s on a high. But while there was more stability and certainly more star power in this era, the show still slogged through an uncomfortable period of transition between the gold standard cast of Phil Hartman, Dana Carvey, and Mike Myers, and the cast that was fronted by Will Ferrell and Molly Shannon.

All told, there were 34 cast members that belonged to the 90s. Some blew up, some faded away, and others popped on our screens for only an instant. Read down to see what they brought to Saturday Night Live and what they’ve done since they graduated (or were tossed aside). After that, be sure to check out our look back at the 70s cast and the 80s cast

Jim Breuer (1995-1998)

If you would have asked me at the start of the…

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