Been busy doing… May22-#100happydays-day 43

Well, I realize I’ve been missing a few days here and there, and lately not having a lot to write about. 

But today makes up for lost time! Many things made me happy today, including the amazing sunshine! 

 

I spent the afternoon digging and weeding the garden, but it still looks messy. Oh well, some more manure, a bit of water, and I’ll get the seeds in soon.  

 

We had a Dr. appointment for my little guy this afternoon, found out we need an ortho consult. Since he started walking, he seems to drag his right foot sideways a little. Hoping and praying it’s nothing serious. 

We then had some playtime with both boys over at grandma and grandpas, and had fun swimming in the backyard.  

 A beautiful evening has been spent outside. Beginning with grilling some Tuna to a perfect medium rare, along with peppers and zucchini. Some wine, and eating on the patio. Ahh, summer, I think you’re here! 

   Now, kids in bed, husband working on our basement renos, and I’m sipping another glass of red on the patio.   

  Also enjoying a few moments with my faithful beagle. We prepare to say goodbye to him soon, as I think his illness is getting worse. But seeing him roll around definitely makes me happy.  

   

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May 3-#100happydays-day24- starting to walk

    my little guy is becoming more confident in his walking! Won’t be long before he’s running around like crazy. 

April 27-#100happydays-day18

This little dude likes to make messes, so he can help clean up. He doesn’t always do the best job, therefore my house is a disaster most days.   

  

My scary evening. 

I sit in the emergency room with my 11 month old son. I had to give him his epi pen after an accidental peanut butter ingestion.  Such a stupid accident, I worked so hard to be careful there were no nuts in the house. I didn’t even realize what happened. My kids found an old dog toy. Hadn’t been used in forever, but it’s the kind you can stuff with treats.  Well, i guess at some point I had put PB in it, and some shook loose as the kids played. 

Next thing, my little guys cheeks are so red and full of hives.  I try not to panic as he starts to gag and I worry his breathing is becoming raspy.  I quickly give him his shot and head to the hospital. 

My son, he will be fine, but I’m so scared for him. That this is his life and stupid accidents could happen anywhere. Thank god we were in our own home, and he was with me. 

This worry I feel for my kids is all encompassing sometimes. How do I let them gain independence? Part of me wants to hover at all times.  I’m so scared for them, but I can’t let them see that anxiety either. How did my parents do it with me? ( I as well have a serious allergy). 

I can expect a few panic attacks in my future.  

I just love them so much.  

 

Too sensitive? Thoughts on a bad day. 

Yesterday was one bad day. In the morning my younger son had an appointment with an allergy specialist. He tested positive to peanuts. I was so sad. Now, I’m no stranger to allergies, I myself have an anaphylactic allergy to dairy. But at least I can be around milk. My poor boy needs to be sheltered from peanuts completely. And the thought of his life in danger, it’s just so shocking.  It will be a big change, but it’s sacrifices we have to make. Thank god things are so different than when I was a kid.  

Then I went out for dinner with a few friends.  One girl showed me a few pics from another friends kids birthday party. It had been held earlier that day. We weren’t invited. I felt really left out. And especially sad for my son. I’m trying to get him out with other kids as much as I can.  It just brought back so many memories of being a kid and being left out. Not having many friends. Which then made me realize, I still don’t have many friends. I need to keep in touch better. 

Then I had to admit I got a little jealous and envious. My other girl friend was talking about her upcoming wedding. She’s marrying a millionaire. Sigh. I hate to sound materialistic but, jeez sometimes it would be nice to get whatever I want bought for me. 

Home to my husband doing a bit of basement cleaning. I started tackling an old box of pictures. Just something else to make me emotional. Photos of when I was so young and pretty.  Parties with friends that I longer have. 

Overall a bit of a low day. Pretty emotional and sad for me.  Wide range of emotions. I guess I will occasionally use his blog just to let my feelings out. Makes me feel a little better. 

Thoughts on never having a daughter.

I always wanted to get married and have kids. For most of my 20’s I thought that would never happen, but I finally lucked out with a fantastic man!
I also always saw myself with a daughter. A little girl to dress up and brush her hair. Now that I have two boys, I’m not sure that will ever happen.

When I was pregnant with my first, everyone told me I was having a boy. Deep down I was kind of hoping for a girl though. Maybe it’s because I’m an only child, i was just used to girl stuff. Of course, when that moment came, and I heard my husband say “it’s a boy!!”  and I knew he was healthy, I was so happy! And he was so cute!!

My first photo as a mom

My first photo as a mom

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Michael A few hours old.

I loved having a son! He was so mischievous, yet sweet.

When I was pregnant the second time, everyone said “oh, I hope you have a girl this time!” Yes, I wanted a girl. Balance things out, one of each, all that. I thought to myself, I have a boy, what will I do with another?

So that time came around again, and I heard “its a boy!!”. I was so happy he arrived healthy, and I loved him instantly, but I do admit, thee was a touch of disappointment. Wow, two boys. This guy looked different from my first, but he was pretty darn cute too.

He's here!

He’s here!

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Thomas, 1day old.

I soon learned how amazingly different these two children were. The sex really didn’t matter, each was so unique. I don’t know why I thought my two boys would be the same, and go through each milestone or phase the same way. Their personalities are so different.

Now, a lot of people ask me if we will “try for a girl”. I honestly haven’t decided about a third child. I always thought two was perfect, but now, when I see their uniqueness, I kind of want to meet another little person, and see what they’d bring into my life. Male or Female.

I do feel like I’m missing out a little bit on ‘girly’ stuff, but the more I’ve thought about it I realized maybe I’m meant to be a mom to boys. Maybe I’d have trouble raising a girl.

Recently, at a ‘mom meet up’, I mentioned that I didn’t like baking, didn’t know how to sew, and I was terrible at crafts. One of the other moms commented “good thing you have boys, what the heck would you teach a girl?” Hmmm…

A day with the little dude

My 3 year old Michael spends 2 days a week at daycare. I find it gives him more play time, and I get to spend some time alone with my 10month old Thomas.
Today we had a great day. Shopping at the mall this morning, (I finally decided to get a little more serious about skin care. Starting to notice those wrinkles lines and spots. Yikes. Found what I hope will be a good regime)
Anyway, we cruised around the mall and headed home for lunch. Played a little and set him down for a nap.
I was able to have some me-time.
Watched xfiles on netflix ( more on my old tv series obsessions for another post) and napped myself.
I go back to work in about 2 months, so I really need to make the most of my time off!!