‘if anyone reads this-just enjoy everything”

I have been doing a little more old diary reading. I’ve just been so nostalgic lately. I think I just feel time is going so fast, I don’t want to forget who I was. 

http://youtu.be/Pb-K2tXWK4w

 I’m not a huge Taylor Swift fan, but her song “fifteen’ can bring tears to my eyes. Somehow this song just really brings to life the wonder of being fifteen and being in amazement of everything happening to you for the first time. I really like these verses. I can’t tell you how many nights I twirled and danced in my room after a date with a boy I really liked.

“And then you’re on your very first date and he’s got a car
And you’re feeling like flying
And your mamma’s waiting up
And you’re thinking he’s the one
And you’re dancing ’round the room when the night ends, when the night ends

‘Cause when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You’re gonna believe them
And when you’re fifteen and your first kiss makes your head spin around
But in your life you’ll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team
But I didn’t know it at fifteen”

Now let me be clear, I was a very naive, immature, childish, defensive teenager for the most part. But I didn’t know I was those things. That’s truely the beauty of youth, you don’t know what you don’t know.

However, I did have little snippets of wisdom. I was happily surprised at myself. This was an entry from March of 1995. I was 16, and mad about a boy I liked who didn’t like me. (this happened a lot).

IMG_8515

“you will feel a lot more hurt in a lifetime than what this is”

So true. Yes, boyfriend heartache was rough, but there is so much worse. In the 20 years since I wrote this, I’ve had my heart broken in more ways than I ever thought possible. But I’ve also felt more joy than I knew existed.

Here’s another great quote from the same song.

“When all you wanted was to be wanted
Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now”

And here’s another little diary entry from March 1999. I was 20, and just finishing my second year of nursing. I was having one of those nights. I was trying to figure out who I was and where I was going.

'if anyone reads this- just enjoy everything"

”i wish I had the chance to talk to ‘me’ now when I was younger”

Oh, and I felt ‘old’. At 20. 20!

It actually feels good to go back and read all this. Even if some of it is laughable now. I was so boy crazy.  I just shake my head, it’s kind of embarrassing. But its who I was. Who I am. Maybe when I’m 60, I’ll read this blog… and wish I could talk to that young new mom, and tell her to just enjoy everything. 


Thoughts on never having a daughter.

I always wanted to get married and have kids. For most of my 20’s I thought that would never happen, but I finally lucked out with a fantastic man!
I also always saw myself with a daughter. A little girl to dress up and brush her hair. Now that I have two boys, I’m not sure that will ever happen.

When I was pregnant with my first, everyone told me I was having a boy. Deep down I was kind of hoping for a girl though. Maybe it’s because I’m an only child, i was just used to girl stuff. Of course, when that moment came, and I heard my husband say “it’s a boy!!”  and I knew he was healthy, I was so happy! And he was so cute!!

My first photo as a mom

My first photo as a mom

Saskatoon-20111220-00355

Michael A few hours old.

I loved having a son! He was so mischievous, yet sweet.

When I was pregnant the second time, everyone said “oh, I hope you have a girl this time!” Yes, I wanted a girl. Balance things out, one of each, all that. I thought to myself, I have a boy, what will I do with another?

So that time came around again, and I heard “its a boy!!”. I was so happy he arrived healthy, and I loved him instantly, but I do admit, thee was a touch of disappointment. Wow, two boys. This guy looked different from my first, but he was pretty darn cute too.

He's here!

He’s here!

001

Thomas, 1day old.

I soon learned how amazingly different these two children were. The sex really didn’t matter, each was so unique. I don’t know why I thought my two boys would be the same, and go through each milestone or phase the same way. Their personalities are so different.

Now, a lot of people ask me if we will “try for a girl”. I honestly haven’t decided about a third child. I always thought two was perfect, but now, when I see their uniqueness, I kind of want to meet another little person, and see what they’d bring into my life. Male or Female.

I do feel like I’m missing out a little bit on ‘girly’ stuff, but the more I’ve thought about it I realized maybe I’m meant to be a mom to boys. Maybe I’d have trouble raising a girl.

Recently, at a ‘mom meet up’, I mentioned that I didn’t like baking, didn’t know how to sew, and I was terrible at crafts. One of the other moms commented “good thing you have boys, what the heck would you teach a girl?” Hmmm…

A day with the little dude

My 3 year old Michael spends 2 days a week at daycare. I find it gives him more play time, and I get to spend some time alone with my 10month old Thomas.
Today we had a great day. Shopping at the mall this morning, (I finally decided to get a little more serious about skin care. Starting to notice those wrinkles lines and spots. Yikes. Found what I hope will be a good regime)
Anyway, we cruised around the mall and headed home for lunch. Played a little and set him down for a nap.
I was able to have some me-time.
Watched xfiles on netflix ( more on my old tv series obsessions for another post) and napped myself.
I go back to work in about 2 months, so I really need to make the most of my time off!!

Happiness Quotes

I am always trying to find ways to stay upbeat and positive.
I find I have a problem with envy. I want that new kitchen.
It’s getting easier to remind myself that material things really are just that. As my husband tells me ” granite countertops may excite you for a few weeks, but they won’t bring you real happiness.” It’s true. We can afford fresh food, and enjoy cooking together. These things can make me happy.
Plus, my kitchen will always be messy, no matter how fancy it is. I hate cleaning.

IMG_8210
So I’m trying hard to love the life I have. Stop comparing. Making the best of things. I really am fortunate.