Shock me again. 

Another blow has come this week. Another flood of memories and a heart wrenching realization that time goes way to fast.  Hit so hard with the awareness that I must see the beauty of life at EVERY.GIVEN.MOMENT. 

I sit mourning the loss of an old friend. We knew each other very well in nursing school. We had been such good friends 15 years ago. But life changes. Time passes. We lost touch. Always meant to “get together for a beer”.  Dammit, she only lived a few blocks away, why didn’t I make an effort!?

I don’t even know where life took her. We hadn’t seen in each other in about 6 years. I don’t know why she killed herself, and I’ll never know the struggles she faced. In all honesty, I didn’t know her anymore, but I ever thought she had any depression, or problems with mental health. She was a carefree bubbly girl. She loved nature, coffee and cherries. I still remember her apartment vividly. I’ll miss you Mel, and think of you often.  

 

Life is short and fragile.

Recently my cousin was diagnosed with stage 4 non Hodgkin’s lymphoma. What started as a sore swollen calf, it was quickly learned she had lymphoma which had also spread to her kidney.
It was a rough year for her, going through a divorce, going back to work, and raising her two kids.
Being the same age, although living in different cities, we stayed close.
She sent me a text with updates on her situation.

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She died the day before she was to start chemo. Sadly, she didn’t even get to fight the cancer, it spread to other areas within a couple weeks and she died of a blood clot in the lungs. It was quite shocking she died so fast.
I felt so guilty I didn’t text her more. I was planning on sending her a small gift, just to let her know I was thinking of her. Didn’t have the chance. I was going to donate to her “wig fund” which she never even needed.
One more reminder, life is short. I’m going to try to stay in touch with the rest of my cousins. ( even though we were never as close).
I hope I stick to my goal of living for today.