A morning of fun. 

Today my little one had a trial run alone at daycare. That meant Michael (3) and I had a couple hours to kill. 

I haven’t spent much time alone with him lately, and I feel kind of bad for that. 

So we went out for ice cream, and a little mall wandering. 

He’s such a smart special guy. It’s fun to actually have a conversation with him. 



‘if anyone reads this-just enjoy everything”

I have been doing a little more old diary reading. I’ve just been so nostalgic lately. I think I just feel time is going so fast, I don’t want to forget who I was. 

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 I’m not a huge Taylor Swift fan, but her song “fifteen’ can bring tears to my eyes. Somehow this song just really brings to life the wonder of being fifteen and being in amazement of everything happening to you for the first time. I really like these verses. I can’t tell you how many nights I twirled and danced in my room after a date with a boy I really liked.

“And then you’re on your very first date and he’s got a car
And you’re feeling like flying
And your mamma’s waiting up
And you’re thinking he’s the one
And you’re dancing ’round the room when the night ends, when the night ends

‘Cause when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You’re gonna believe them
And when you’re fifteen and your first kiss makes your head spin around
But in your life you’ll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team
But I didn’t know it at fifteen”

Now let me be clear, I was a very naive, immature, childish, defensive teenager for the most part. But I didn’t know I was those things. That’s truely the beauty of youth, you don’t know what you don’t know.

However, I did have little snippets of wisdom. I was happily surprised at myself. This was an entry from March of 1995. I was 16, and mad about a boy I liked who didn’t like me. (this happened a lot).

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“you will feel a lot more hurt in a lifetime than what this is”

So true. Yes, boyfriend heartache was rough, but there is so much worse. In the 20 years since I wrote this, I’ve had my heart broken in more ways than I ever thought possible. But I’ve also felt more joy than I knew existed.

Here’s another great quote from the same song.

“When all you wanted was to be wanted
Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now”

And here’s another little diary entry from March 1999. I was 20, and just finishing my second year of nursing. I was having one of those nights. I was trying to figure out who I was and where I was going.

'if anyone reads this- just enjoy everything"

”i wish I had the chance to talk to ‘me’ now when I was younger”

Oh, and I felt ‘old’. At 20. 20!

It actually feels good to go back and read all this. Even if some of it is laughable now. I was so boy crazy.  I just shake my head, it’s kind of embarrassing. But its who I was. Who I am. Maybe when I’m 60, I’ll read this blog… and wish I could talk to that young new mom, and tell her to just enjoy everything. 


Thoughts on never having a daughter.

I always wanted to get married and have kids. For most of my 20’s I thought that would never happen, but I finally lucked out with a fantastic man!
I also always saw myself with a daughter. A little girl to dress up and brush her hair. Now that I have two boys, I’m not sure that will ever happen.

When I was pregnant with my first, everyone told me I was having a boy. Deep down I was kind of hoping for a girl though. Maybe it’s because I’m an only child, i was just used to girl stuff. Of course, when that moment came, and I heard my husband say “it’s a boy!!”  and I knew he was healthy, I was so happy! And he was so cute!!

My first photo as a mom

My first photo as a mom

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Michael A few hours old.

I loved having a son! He was so mischievous, yet sweet.

When I was pregnant the second time, everyone said “oh, I hope you have a girl this time!” Yes, I wanted a girl. Balance things out, one of each, all that. I thought to myself, I have a boy, what will I do with another?

So that time came around again, and I heard “its a boy!!”. I was so happy he arrived healthy, and I loved him instantly, but I do admit, thee was a touch of disappointment. Wow, two boys. This guy looked different from my first, but he was pretty darn cute too.

He's here!

He’s here!

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Thomas, 1day old.

I soon learned how amazingly different these two children were. The sex really didn’t matter, each was so unique. I don’t know why I thought my two boys would be the same, and go through each milestone or phase the same way. Their personalities are so different.

Now, a lot of people ask me if we will “try for a girl”. I honestly haven’t decided about a third child. I always thought two was perfect, but now, when I see their uniqueness, I kind of want to meet another little person, and see what they’d bring into my life. Male or Female.

I do feel like I’m missing out a little bit on ‘girly’ stuff, but the more I’ve thought about it I realized maybe I’m meant to be a mom to boys. Maybe I’d have trouble raising a girl.

Recently, at a ‘mom meet up’, I mentioned that I didn’t like baking, didn’t know how to sew, and I was terrible at crafts. One of the other moms commented “good thing you have boys, what the heck would you teach a girl?” Hmmm…

Glimpse into my past

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Here’s an entry from my old diary. I was 19 when this was written. I had been at a local bar , where i spent a lot of my time. The boy in question was a bouncer at said bar. I have no idea where he is now, nothing ever came of him and I. But at the time, it was a very important night in my life. Somehow, coming home tipsy and writing in a journal was really fun!