‘if anyone reads this-just enjoy everything”

I have been doing a little more old diary reading. I’ve just been so nostalgic lately. I think I just feel time is going so fast, I don’t want to forget who I was. 

http://youtu.be/Pb-K2tXWK4w

 I’m not a huge Taylor Swift fan, but her song “fifteen’ can bring tears to my eyes. Somehow this song just really brings to life the wonder of being fifteen and being in amazement of everything happening to you for the first time. I really like these verses. I can’t tell you how many nights I twirled and danced in my room after a date with a boy I really liked.

“And then you’re on your very first date and he’s got a car
And you’re feeling like flying
And your mamma’s waiting up
And you’re thinking he’s the one
And you’re dancing ’round the room when the night ends, when the night ends

‘Cause when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You’re gonna believe them
And when you’re fifteen and your first kiss makes your head spin around
But in your life you’ll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team
But I didn’t know it at fifteen”

Now let me be clear, I was a very naive, immature, childish, defensive teenager for the most part. But I didn’t know I was those things. That’s truely the beauty of youth, you don’t know what you don’t know.

However, I did have little snippets of wisdom. I was happily surprised at myself. This was an entry from March of 1995. I was 16, and mad about a boy I liked who didn’t like me. (this happened a lot).

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“you will feel a lot more hurt in a lifetime than what this is”

So true. Yes, boyfriend heartache was rough, but there is so much worse. In the 20 years since I wrote this, I’ve had my heart broken in more ways than I ever thought possible. But I’ve also felt more joy than I knew existed.

Here’s another great quote from the same song.

“When all you wanted was to be wanted
Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now”

And here’s another little diary entry from March 1999. I was 20, and just finishing my second year of nursing. I was having one of those nights. I was trying to figure out who I was and where I was going.

'if anyone reads this- just enjoy everything"

”i wish I had the chance to talk to ‘me’ now when I was younger”

Oh, and I felt ‘old’. At 20. 20!

It actually feels good to go back and read all this. Even if some of it is laughable now. I was so boy crazy.  I just shake my head, it’s kind of embarrassing. But its who I was. Who I am. Maybe when I’m 60, I’ll read this blog… and wish I could talk to that young new mom, and tell her to just enjoy everything. 


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Home away from home

Since I was a very young tot, I’ve spent a lot of time at Wakaw lake in the summers. My aunt had a cabin there, and the memories of go way back.

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A few years back my aunt ( who never married) decided to sign the cabin over to me. She didn’t want to wait til she died and force me to deal with a hassle of a will I guess.
So we took over paying the taxes, but honestly it still kind of remains “her” cabin.
I love the place, but it stresses me out.
It needs so much work, and it hasn’t been re decorated ever. It is very 70’s. Orange. Gold. Orange and gold shag carpet. Wall to wall, including the bathroom.
I can’t imagine losing it, but unless we put a huge chunk of change into it, it’s going to fall apart. The thought of selling it seems inviting at times. There is a lot we could do with the money. However, that wouldn’t be able to happen until my aunt died, as she would probably kill me if I sold it.
I have so many memories of being a teen out in Wakaw. We had some amazing parties. So many fun nights. So many bon fires.
It’s hard to enjoy it the same now. It’s small, there isn’t a lot of room for the kids.
The beach used to be relaxing. Now it’s loud. So many jet skis and wakeboarders. ( I sound old and bitter don’t I ??)

I just don’t really know what to do. I’m sure in a few years, we’d really enjoy it again, but right now it seems not worth it.
We’ll see.
Here’s a few of my fave pics from Wakaw lake.

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#throwbackthursday

I’ve been thinking back to high school a lot lately. I’m not sure why, maybe its just because I can’t believe 20 years have gone by.

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Why is it that music one loved as a teen seems to stick with you forever? Granted the 90’s just had the best music period. No one can deny that right?

As I practice my blogging skills, I’m going to try to add a couple of my favorite’s from the time period.

Hope you enjoy!

LOW-CRACKER

SOUL TO SQUEEZE-RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS

RS

ONE HEADLIGHT-WALLFLOWERS

WHATS THE FREQUENCY KENNETH?-R.E.M.