Shock me again. 

Another blow has come this week. Another flood of memories and a heart wrenching realization that time goes way to fast.  Hit so hard with the awareness that I must see the beauty of life at EVERY.GIVEN.MOMENT. 

I sit mourning the loss of an old friend. We knew each other very well in nursing school. We had been such good friends 15 years ago. But life changes. Time passes. We lost touch. Always meant to “get together for a beer”.  Dammit, she only lived a few blocks away, why didn’t I make an effort!?

I don’t even know where life took her. We hadn’t seen in each other in about 6 years. I don’t know why she killed herself, and I’ll never know the struggles she faced. In all honesty, I didn’t know her anymore, but I ever thought she had any depression, or problems with mental health. She was a carefree bubbly girl. She loved nature, coffee and cherries. I still remember her apartment vividly. I’ll miss you Mel, and think of you often.  

 

Advertisements

April11 #100happydays ~Old Tony’s at night — Redondo pier

Repost for my 

#100happydays. Day 2 April 11. Seeing familiar landmarks from my time in California. Brings back great memories. And yes, in already a little behind. 

Diane Garrett

old-tonys-at-night-neon-sign

View original post

A special one for today. 100 day song challenge: Day 3: A song that makes you cry

Easy one
Jeff Buckley
Last goodbye.
yep. tears. Always. 

Someone special introduced me to this amazing singer/songwriter. 

He also have me this song on a cd when we had our “last goodbye”. The lyrics summed up our relationship to a T. 

The fact that Jeff Buckley drowned tragically just makes it all sadder. Miss you JB. You too JB. 

  “Last Goodbye”

This is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die
But it’s over
Just hear this and then i’ll go
You gave me more to live for
More than you’ll ever know

This is our last embrace
Must I dream and always see your face
Why can’t we overcome this wall
Well, maybe it’s just because i didn’t know you at all

Kiss me, please kiss me
But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation
You know it makes me so angry ’cause i know that in time
I’ll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye

Did you say ‘no, this can’t happen to me,’
And did you rush to the phone to call
Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind
Saying maybe you didn’t know him at all
You didn’t know him at all, oh, you didn’t know

Well, the bells out in the church tower chime
Burning clues into this heart of mine
Thinking so hard on her soft eyes and the memories
Offer signs that it’s over… it’s over

 

Too sensitive? Thoughts on a bad day. 

Yesterday was one bad day. In the morning my younger son had an appointment with an allergy specialist. He tested positive to peanuts. I was so sad. Now, I’m no stranger to allergies, I myself have an anaphylactic allergy to dairy. But at least I can be around milk. My poor boy needs to be sheltered from peanuts completely. And the thought of his life in danger, it’s just so shocking.  It will be a big change, but it’s sacrifices we have to make. Thank god things are so different than when I was a kid.  

Then I went out for dinner with a few friends.  One girl showed me a few pics from another friends kids birthday party. It had been held earlier that day. We weren’t invited. I felt really left out. And especially sad for my son. I’m trying to get him out with other kids as much as I can.  It just brought back so many memories of being a kid and being left out. Not having many friends. Which then made me realize, I still don’t have many friends. I need to keep in touch better. 

Then I had to admit I got a little jealous and envious. My other girl friend was talking about her upcoming wedding. She’s marrying a millionaire. Sigh. I hate to sound materialistic but, jeez sometimes it would be nice to get whatever I want bought for me. 

Home to my husband doing a bit of basement cleaning. I started tackling an old box of pictures. Just something else to make me emotional. Photos of when I was so young and pretty.  Parties with friends that I longer have. 

Overall a bit of a low day. Pretty emotional and sad for me.  Wide range of emotions. I guess I will occasionally use his blog just to let my feelings out. Makes me feel a little better. 

Travel nursing in California 

It was 10 years ago this week that I started my 5000 km journey to California. 

I worked with a recruitment company and after the painful processs of becoming qualified to work in the USA, I was on my way!  I had accepted a 13 week assignment in the city of Torrance, working as an RN in the neonatal intensive care unit. 

I drove down with my parents, and had to make many stops along the way. Setting up a bank account in Great Falls, applying for social security in Reno, paying for my RN license in Sacremento. 

Waiting for my RN license!



Eventually I made it to my little apartment in Hermosa Beach. Pretty sweet deal, I had a furnished apartment paid for by the recruiters. just a couple blocks from the beach. It was fantastic. 



My parents flew home a few days later, and I was on my own. For the first time ever, I was truly by myself. Some people thought I was crazy for moving to a strange city all alone. Some said I’d be lonely.  I had never lived alone before this time, and I was ready to enjoy every minute. I also felt ok meeting new people, so I looked forward to forcing myself to go out and make friends. 

I worked straight nights at my job, and I absolutely loved it. It was a fantastic hospital. The NICU was great. Staff were super and I loved the way it was run. (This eventually led to me leaving the NICU in Saskatoon, because it just couldn’t compare). 

The hospital i worked at.



I was having a great time. I was able to make friends, work, save a lot of money, and have a lot of fun! When my 13 week assignment was up, I decided to head home for the summer, and return in the fall for a new contract at the same hospital. 

Some of the great nurses i worked with.



Upon return I worked the same unit, still nights. This time I lived in the city of Redondo beach. I loved living in these beach communities. So casual and fun, and LA craziness was just close enough to visit from time to time. 

My apartment in Redondo



I stayed for another 9 months or so. Travel nursing was such a wonderful experience, and one of the best decisions I ever made. I began to grow a little sad with the temporary life style though. Friends came and went in 3 month increments. I dated a bit, but nothing ever seemed to have long term potential. 

Deep down I knew I wouldn’t live there forever, but it was still so hard to leave. A lot of people think I’m crazy for ever leaving, but I feel my timing was just right. I was in my 20’s and had a great time. Eventually, the parties would have died. The night shift life would have caught up with me. The crazy friends all  settled down. 

So now I can remember the experience, and I can still feel like a cool kid and say “well, when I lived in California….”



Redondo pier sunset



Pier Avenue, Hermosa Beach



Me in Hermosa



Home away from home

Since I was a very young tot, I’ve spent a lot of time at Wakaw lake in the summers. My aunt had a cabin there, and the memories of go way back.

IMG_1972
A few years back my aunt ( who never married) decided to sign the cabin over to me. She didn’t want to wait til she died and force me to deal with a hassle of a will I guess.
So we took over paying the taxes, but honestly it still kind of remains “her” cabin.
I love the place, but it stresses me out.
It needs so much work, and it hasn’t been re decorated ever. It is very 70’s. Orange. Gold. Orange and gold shag carpet. Wall to wall, including the bathroom.
I can’t imagine losing it, but unless we put a huge chunk of change into it, it’s going to fall apart. The thought of selling it seems inviting at times. There is a lot we could do with the money. However, that wouldn’t be able to happen until my aunt died, as she would probably kill me if I sold it.
I have so many memories of being a teen out in Wakaw. We had some amazing parties. So many fun nights. So many bon fires.
It’s hard to enjoy it the same now. It’s small, there isn’t a lot of room for the kids.
The beach used to be relaxing. Now it’s loud. So many jet skis and wakeboarders. ( I sound old and bitter don’t I ??)

I just don’t really know what to do. I’m sure in a few years, we’d really enjoy it again, but right now it seems not worth it.
We’ll see.
Here’s a few of my fave pics from Wakaw lake.

IMG_2264

IMG_2233

IMG_2290

IMG_2193

IMG_1766

IMG_2182

IMG_1642

IMG_1796

IMG_8403

Happy Valentine’s Day! Here’s my love story.

I met my wonderful husband on New Years Eve 2007. It was a party we both almost didn’t attend. A masquerade ball, where the ratio of women to men was about 4:1. I didn’t expect to meet anyone!
We had some mutual friends, ended up talking a lot, and he asked for my number.
Our first date happened a few days later. I really wasn’t sure if I liked him. He was quite different than the guys I usually dated.
But our first date was great! I stayed out later than I planned, and we got along so well.
Our second date went even better.
I guess we both had fun, because we were together a lot after that.

IMG_8369
We got engaged on October 25 th 2009. We finally had a pleasant autumn day and went for a walk by the river. I had a feeling it was coming, and I was pretty excited when he asked!!
We planned our wedding for the following year. September 11 th 2010.
It was lovely. I was so happy I found my best friend to spend the rest of my life with.

IMG_8366-0

IMG_8368-0We had a wonderful honeymoon in Mexico.
We had bought a lovely house, and enjoying every minute.
We planned a European vacation.
My husband had a surprise for me. He had been saving aeroplan miles for years, and used them all to get us first class tickets. It was fantastic. An amazing trip. Paris, Barcelona, Nice, German Black Forest area ( a lot Steve’s family still lives here) and Berlin.

IMG_8367
While in Germany, I realized something was off. I realized it was more than jet lag making me so darn tired. It was more than new foods making me queezy.
Took the test that morning in the little “hutta” in Ofenburg, and now, life was going to change again!! I was not sure how far along, but I was definitely pregnant. And that part of my life will be a future post!